I was recently on a flight to do a speaking engagement. As I was getting settled in my seat, a little girl about 2 years old came up the aisle. She looked at me and made a face. I made the same face at her. She did it again and so did I. I thought, “This child is really expressive.” Her family sat in the row behind me and across the aisle. The father had an iPad and invited the child to sit on the side where she could see better and play a game. She didn’t want to sit in that seat and expressed it loudly. That started a very dramatic experience for the entire family. The little girl didn’t want to sit down. She didn’t want to have her seat belt buckled. Everything that was offered was a definitive NO and the crying and screaming escalated. The parents were embarrassed and tried to calm her down.
The people around us were exhibiting silent annoyance and feeling sorry for the parents. The little girl’s brother sat behind me and shared with his father that his sister was a brat. Several times I looked at the child and wondered, “What is really going on here?” It looked like she was spoiled and defiant but something in me knew there was more. The child started screaming, “I want to sit next to my mom!” That didn’t make sense. Her mother was right across the aisle and was trying to comfort her. The child continued to scream, cry, and yell her plea to sit next to her mom. She wouldn’t let anyone touch her. Her aunt sitting next to her kept repeating that she was too big to sit in someone’s lap and as soon as the seat belt sign turned off she could be with her mom. The more people talked to her, the more she screamed the same phrase. The flight attendant came and very kindly told the child that she was a big girl and there were safety rules on the plane. Then the child said, “I don’t want to be on the plane.” There it was, the real cause of the tantrum. She was scared to be on the plane and the only way to express it was to scream, cry and demand. As I became aware of the root cause, I began to send love and light to the child. I silently reminded her soul that she was loved and deeply supported.
The seat belt sign went off and the mother traded places with the aunt. The child immediately calmed down and within a few minutes was playing. I began to contemplate what happens to me that can instantly push me to act out and become irrational in my behavior. The answer was the same as the little girl’s upset. I act out when I am afraid and cannot find a way to articulate my thoughts, needs, desires or doubts. That level of pain shows up when I become uncomfortable and don’t know how to be heard. Sometimes my scream has been loud; sometimes it is an internal explosion or a need to behave in a passive/aggressive manner. My inner child screams because she wants to be held and told it will all be fine. She wants to know that she is safe.
What makes your “inner child” scream? What occurs when you cannot express in a way that feels connected and harmonious? What emotional responses do you experience when things are out of sync? What behavior jumps to the surface that does not support who you want to be in the world? The answers to these questions can be portals to understand the deep need to be loved and supported.
As the flight continued, I looked over and saw the mother of the child looking very tired. She had spent the entire flight supporting the child to stay calm. I thought that this dynamic would be a challenge in the future, if the child doesn’t learn to express her feelings in a healthier way. This is true for all of us. If we don’t garner the tools that support us in connecting to our true feelings and needs, we will continue to place stress in our relationships and environments.
I invite you this week to activate the witness within you and observe your triggers to discordant behaviors. Instead of reacting in the moment, find a way to breathe, journal your thoughts, read an affirmation, take a walk, call a prayer line or listen to quiet music. Once you feel calm, remind your “inner child” that they are safe and loved. That is the truth you know…..YOU ARE SAFE AND LOVED in every moment. YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE UNIVERSE created in the image of eternal life and love.
