FINDING COMMON GROUND

I awoke this week with a feeling of sadness in my heart.  It took me a while to uncover the root because nothing terrible was happening in my life.  Then it hit me.  So many people are feeling upset, discouraged, disillusioned and divided.   Several clients have come to me perplexed about the conditions in the world and wondering how we got to this place.

I remember teaching many years ago on Tuesday nights.  When elections would happen half of the class would be happy and half upset.  Then, this energy of division would enter the space.  I would remind them the students are like-minded seekers who had been holding their visions and prayers in their hearts.  An election did not change this truth.  I would also remind them; some had family members who did not understand their desire to seek oneness and holistic connections in the universe.  Luckily, those revelations would open amazing discussions on how we find common ground and care for one another.

I do not know about you, but I feel we are in an extraordinary time on the planet.  This is a time where we get to move out of blame and dissonance and into a field where there is no “you against me.”  Every human being has a need to be loved, feel safe, protect their children, have food and shelter.  I am wondering if healing begins with this knowledge.

I recently had lunch with a friend. We are on different sides of the political spectrum, AND we love each other.  At lunch, we talked and listened.  We shared our common goals and visions.  We honored our individual paths and how we have served each other.  It was such a loving experience.  When we left, we still had the same positions on some subjects, but the love and respect took precedence.

The Third Side

Bill Ury is a person I admire much.  He has traveled the world facilitating “The Third Side” with leaders and countries.  The Third Side is a way of looking at the conflicts around us not just from one side or the other.  It invites in a broader perspective of the community. You can have feelings for one side or the other and still choose to take the Third Side.

Mr. Ury says, “While most issues in contention are presented as having just two sides – pro and con, there usually exists a third. From this third perspective, the truth of each competing point of view can be appreciated. Shared interests often come to loom larger than the differences. People remember they all, in the end, belong to the same extended community.”

The third side is not about an individual or institution who dominates all, but rather the emerging consciousness and will of a community, which desires peace and understanding. It is an impulse arising from the essential relationships linking each member and every other member of the city.

Discontent can turn into rigid silos, which break down communication, create walls and even divide families.  The ability to look at the more critical picture fades and what is best for the whole evaporates.  The battles begin, and the unfortunate part is nobody wins.  The wars rage on while people are torn apart, hearts are broken, and misinterpretation takes control.  From my perspective, these moments are a call to bring love and compassion into the field.

Principles of the Third Side

• Conflict, in itself, is not a bad thing. Conflict is a natural and healthy process.
• The goal is not to end or eliminate conflict but merely to transform the way it is expressed.
• Conflict is inevitable; violence is not.
• The way to transform conflict is to create a sturdy container for creative contention.
• You do not have to take sides in a conflict, nor do you need to be neutral. Take the side of the whole.
• You can choose to take the Third Side anytime in the conflicts surrounding you.
• Responding to disputes productively requires courage, preparation, knowledge, skills, creativity, and coordination.
• You have an essential role to play in transforming the conflicts around you. You can make a significant difference.
• By working together systemically, we can create a robust Third Side for even the most intractable conflict. As the old African proverb goes, “When spider webs unite, they can halt even a lion.”
• The Third Side is not a new idea. It does not belong to any group or organization; it is the common heritage of humanity. It belongs to you.

Tools for Finding Common Ground

• Allow love to lead the way.
• Activate respect. Treat others the way you want to be treated.
• Learn to listen to another’s perspective. You do not have to agree, but you can learn a lot by listening.
• Do something different. If what you are doing is creating discord, try another way.
• Look at the whole. What could serve the family, the community or the country?
• Open the doors for collaboration.
• Move into action. Take your attention off combat and do something, which will serve to make this a better world.

I am not saying I have the answers to shifting the conflict we are all experiencing.  However, I am willing to be a conduit for change.  I am 100% committed to being a beacon of peace and understanding and building a world where the middle ground is the norm.  Will you join me?