GROWING THROUGH WHAT YOU ARE GOING THROUGH

Last month was intense for me. Familial struggles, friends and family with health issues and me juggling a lot of balls.  Today, I feel centered, but I had to work at staying calm and focused as things swirled around me.  Plus, what I have been witnessing in the world is challenging, to say the least. A part of that is that I have been witnessing the trials that women are facing around the world. When I was a kid, I thought being a girl was a curse.  We got overpowered easily, our opinions weren’t respected, and boys acted as if we should be grateful, they looked at us or gave attention.

I, like many of my friends, spent most of our time wanting to get attention.  I was shy and lacked confidence.  Some of my other friends expressed their femininity through sexuality and popularity.  I was neither popular or sexy. I was smart and creative.  Those two things took me into arenas where I could be recognized for my mind and artistic nature.  I did well in school, was in the chess and debate clubs, was secretary of my class, sang at events and was constantly on the honor roll.

All of that to say, my focus was on the external. When I didn’t feel seen, heard, or validated, my confidence sank, and my mind made up fantastic stories about my lack of worth. That would only push me to work harder to be seen and get outside approval.

It has taken me decades to understand that I get to be the captain of my ship, “me.” I also get to understand that whatever I am experiencing is an opportunity to learn, grown and take responsibility for my life. What I also began to understand is that I am called to grow through any and all experiences.  That is what I want to talk about this month. I want to share some of my learning with you.

Many times the challenges we face are based on old wounds and traumas that are triggered and then catapults us into past feelings, reactions, and experiences. The choice becomes, do we surrender to these cyclical responses or do we choose to learn from the experiences. So, let’s talk about trauma triggers:

Triggered by Emotions and Trauma

Triggers can include sights, sounds, smells, or thoughts that remind you of the traumatic or unpleasant event in some way.

When faced with danger, the body gets ready to fight, flee, or freeze. The heart can beat faster, people can move into hyper vigilance and the brain stops some of its normal functions to deal with the threat. This includes short-term memory. The feelings of stress and unsafety amplify. 

It is like the bodies alarm system goes off and creates a flashback.  

Emotional Trigger Examples

• Fear or Surprise in an event 
• Sadness and Empathy in life circumstance or witnessing an event.
• Not feeling trusting and comfortable. 
• Need for connection or belonging.
• Anniversary of the trauma or loss.
• Loud voices, sounds or yelling.
• Feeling ridiculed or judged.
• Feeling alone and isolated.
• Getting abandoned or rejected.

Trigger Reactions

Overreaction

• Little things bother you.
• Overstimulation by noises or body sensations that don’t normally affect you.
• Sudden and uncontrollable anger.

Behaviors

• Making sudden irrational changes.
• Feeling intense sadness or grief.
• Constantly seeking disruption, novelty, or change (shiny object syndrome).
• Hopelessness, feeling or belief that future is doomed in some way.

Dissociation 

• Feeling disconnected from time/place.
• Re-experiencing through flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, intrusive remembering but feel numb in the body.
• Feeling foggy and like you are floating.
• Feel like you are looking at your life like a movie (not real).

Anxiety – 

• Your mind keeps running over the same worries, memories, or interactions repeatedly.
• Feeling as though something is wrong but unclear what it is.
• Intrusive thoughts around rejection keep flooding in.
• Fight/flight symptoms like heart racing/palpitations, shortness of breath or desire to run.
• Trouble sleeping consistently.
• Dismissing traumatic events –  “this wasn’t so bad”, “other people have suffered more”, “I feel fine”.

When any of the above symptoms occur ask yourself:

• Have I avoided things because they remind you of a trauma or challenging event?
• Do I feel lonely or socially isolated?
• Am I shutting down your emotions?
• Do I spend money to avoid reminders?
• Am I less engaged in relationships?
• Is my self-esteem worse since the trauma?

Love Where You Are

You cannot argue with the reality of your life.  Stuff happens and we have numerous responses.  It is during stressful times that it is important to be kind to yourself, accept the reality of the situation and choose to honor your feelings, needs and desires.  What this really means is that you are present. I believe that being conscious in this form supports making powerful choices to move forward.  There are some tools to support being in a place of acceptance.

Recognize the Monkey Mind

The inner critic can be loud and will continue to show you all the reasons why you are not worthy.  It will try to keep you small and confused because it does not know the difference between death and transformation. It does not want you to grow.  It loves staying stagnant and stuck. 

The important thing dealing with the monkey mind is to see it, honor the feelings and then become clear that those thoughts are not real or true. You get to decide how you want to live and how you want to handle this situation.

Practice gratitude 

Gratitude is a powerful tool and can bring you quickly into the present. I use a journal daily for gratitude, but you can simply pause and give thanks.  That means for the large and small things in your life, “I woke up”, “I can breathe” “I have a strong mind.” Once you begin to bring gratitude into your mind, peace and calm will follow.

Let go of energy “sucks”

Become aware of all the people and experiences that drain your energy.  Some may be small. Once you become clear, then write and plan to release them, one by one.

Look at frustrations that you’ve been putting up with. Look at the people that expect you to be their source of energy and look at the technology that exhausts you. 

This might also be the time to take stock of places and people don’t support the highest purpose or vision that you carry.  

Call in support

Make a list of the people in your life who you know you can count on and relationships that bring you joy. You want to call upon the people that inspire you and want the best for you. 

You might need a coach, a therapist, or a spiritual counselor. This could be the time to invest in your self-care on this level.

Practice radical self-care 

When you feel run down, it is not the time to get busier.  Doing more will only empty your mental, emotional, and physical energy tanks. This the time to pause and bring in positive mindset practices. This includes saying “no” to anyone and anything that does not support you.

If you are feeling like you don’t have time to take care of yourself, that’s the exact moment to bring in self-care, move your body, expand your spiritual practice, and take some time to play.

Celebrate you

Celebrating your successes can be an energy lift. Oftentimes we look at what didn’t work instead of what we manifested or are proud of. Take some time to honor your dreams and the victories that have come to life.  You have worked hard, and you deserve to celebrate.

Here are some things that I use daily to keep me focused on what kind of life I want to live and how I want to live it.  Especially, when I feel challenged.  It is essential to be present in each moment and live fully every day. Choosing to live in the past or the future does not allow us to fully experience the gifts of this moment.

1. Pause and look for the opportunities.
2. Stop placing blame on others.
3. Stop Complaining – it only keeps me in the past.
4. Let go of excuses – they hold me hostage.
5. Take responsibility for my mistakes.
6. Make amends when necessary.
7. Be truthful – people learn to trust those that are honest.
8. Accept where I am and ask myself, “what if nothing was really negative?”

You are a beautiful human being living a life that will show you unexpected, loving, challenging and joyous experiences.  Each one is a gift from the universe to help you grow into your greater yet to be. So, take responsibility for your thoughts, words, deeds, and actions. Every situation or experience will show you what you need to learn and what consequences result from your choices. When you become accountable something miraculous occurs.  You begin to walk through life with confidence and clarity. 

Honor your path. There is no arrival.  You are here to experience the glory of the journey.

Much love and light,

Cynthia