Honor The Moments of Fragility

As children, many of us think of ourselves as invincible.  That is why we take big risks that can terrify our parents. The good thing about that is we get to explore and allow our curiosity to guide us.  The unfortunate thing is that part of our learning does not prepare us for unexpected life events that can stop us in our tracks.

This has been a powerful month.  I had a knee replacement and two people very close to me had to navigate health challenges.  These beloveds were incapable of totally caring for themselves and I had to step into being of support. In both cases, these strong souls had to completely rely on being cared for.  Their responses to this need and my own personal response, when in the same situation, is what I will discuss this month.

It was during this month that I became very conscious of “moments of fragility.”  These are the times when our normal functioning does not support the current circumstances. These are moment when we are called to lay down our independent nature and rely on the kindness of friends, family and even strangers.

I have always celebrated my independent nature.  Throughout my life, my inner strength and tenacity moved me through many challenging moments.  So, you can imagine how surprised I was that the independent skillset I relied upon my whole life didn’t work. Except for prayer, all my tools of transformation could not be accessed.  

Before I take a deep dive into my revelations, let me share the definition of fragile:  

“If you describe a situation as fragile, you mean that it is weak or uncertain, and unlikely to be able to resist strong pressure or attack.”

I believe that we all have “moments of fragility” but few of us know how to manage them with grace.  Our culture does not teach us to honor these situations as opportunities for healing and growth.  This entire month, for me, has been about learning to have reverence and trust in every situation in life.  They are always gifts from the universe.

SURRENDER TO WHAT IS……..

Byron Katie says, “When you argue with reality, you lose— but only 100% of the time.”

I know this to be true but when faced with my own fragility, my mind got busy.  I thought I could come up with some solution to by-pass the pain, weakness, and inability to care for myself.  It absolutely did not work.  The interesting thing is that I had just watched two people do the exact same thing and I judged their behavior.  So now, here I am having to face the facts of my current reality.  I anticipated pain and down time following the knee replacement.  What I didn’t expect was my bodies response to so many drugs.  My body began rejecting medicine, food, and drink.  Twice, I ended up in overnight stays at the hospital.  I felt scared. I felt helpless. I felt at the control of people I didn’t know.  

What flooded my mind was this thought, “where is your faith?”  Honestly, my faith was on absent somewhere because the pain was so intense.  A doctor said to me, “don’t worry, we will take good care of you.”  Those words were my connector to surrendering and trusting that I was in good hands.  So, I let go and allowed the process to unfold.  The fear didn’t go away but my body began to release the tension that was holding it hostage.

No matter who you are. No matter what you have learned. No matter how educated you are, there will be times that you have to surrender any need to control and trust that the universe has you.  This is not easy, but it is real!!!!  Fighting only prolongs the process.

ASK FOR YOU NEED……..

“Ask for what you want and be prepared to get it!” ― Maya Angelou

I have so many clients that tell me how hard it is to ask for help.  So, they try to muscle through challenges alone.  I get it. I have done that too.  However, when you are in a “moment of fragility” and your mind or body will not cooperate, asking for help is essential.

There are three steps here to assist in asking for help.

1. Get in touch with how you feel (sad, hurting, disappointed, angry, etc).  Taking this action will allow you to be fully present with the circumstances.
2. Ask yourself, “what do I really need in this moment?”   Then, do not judge.  You need what you need.
3. Ask your caregiver, family member, or support team for what you need. Telling them how you are feeling and what you need allows them to be present with you.

What I realized is that people want to support.  My husband, my children and my friends continued to ask me what I needed.  I became clear that the universe was asking me to move into a place of receptivity.

BE WILLING TO RECEIVE………

Giving and receiving love is vital to human existence. It is the glue that binds couples, families, communities, cultures, and nations.  G. Frank Lawlis

Okay, now here is the hard part for so many of us.  We live in a culture that constantly reminds us that “it is better to give than to receive.”  In fact, we feel guilty if we are not pouring our love and energy into others.  What we are not told is that receiving is as important as giving.

In my work, I give to others by bringing support, care, love, and nurturing to them.  It is a part of how I serve humanity.  The reality is that I can only do that when my “tank” is full.  What this month has taught me is that when my body is in duress, I have nothing to give to others.

The body knows how to find its way back to homeostasis and the moment something is out of sync it moves into action to find its way “home.”  In those moments, your body can do nothing but receive the support it needs to heal.

What I am learning is that fragile moments call for deep and abiding gratitude.  Here is my list for the last month.  Maybe it will support you now or in the future?

1. I am grateful to wake up this day.
2. I am grateful to have loving hands supporting my healing.
3. I am grateful for a husband that is willing to be my caregiver for as long as it takes.
4. I am grateful to have the time to rest and heal.
5. I am grateful for medical professionals listening to my experience and needs.  Then, responding with help.
6. I am grateful for the myriad of people that said yes to praying for my health.

I am slowly returning to myself.  I still have a way to go but I am refusing to try to rush the process. 

Whenever you are in a “moment of fragility” please pause, surrender to what is, ask for what you need, and be willing to receive.  You deserve to be loved and supported.  You give a lot. This moment could be the universe’s way of revealing the power of giving and receiving.

Much love and light,

Cynthia