SACRED SELFISHNESS: Loving You First

I was on one of my monthly calls with my coaches and we were having an awesome conversation. The topic of “what is selfishness?” came up and we took a deep dive into the difference between being selfish, from a narcissistic point of view, and sacred selfishness which is honoring and respecting ourselves first. This conversation stayed with me for weeks and the question “what is sacred selfishness?” permeated my meditations. I even discovered a book by that name by Bud Harris. I am excited to share with you my personal revelations and practices.

When I wrote “I Choose Me: The Art of Being A Phenomenally Successful Woman at Home and at Work”, I was in the middle of a deep dive into my self-care. I was brought up to believe that putting others before me had to be the priority. Otherwise, I was being selfish, unloving and unkind. That belief put me in places of exhaustion, near burn out and moments of powerful resentment. I knew it wasn’t healthy but my need to be approved of, validated and respected overshadowed any love of self.

As I interviewed women and did research it became clear that society believes that caring for us, the individual, first is unacceptable. We can only prove our value if we are totally committed to being relentless caregivers. The inculturation of giving to others as a priority has gone on throughout the ages. The challenge with that way of being is that the eternal caregiver often feels unseen, lacking in nurturing and depleted.

It has taken me many years to love me first, honor me first, and respect me first. I had to uncover what mattered to me and what fed my soul. Then, I had to create strong boundaries and learn that NO is a complete sentence. It was not easy. In fact, at times it was downright painful. People were used to me giving myself away and coming to their rescue at a moments’ notice. I had to learn tools to take care of myself and create the artform of Sacred Selfishness.

Let me say here, you are not selfish if you want to be happy. You are not selfish if you want time to yourself. You are not selfish if you don’t want to give up yourself to take care of others. AND you are not selfish if you need to say no in order to honor your needs. Here are eight steps. Sacred Selfishness creates harmony, raises your frequency and gives others the dignity of their own process. Teaching them that they are competent and do not need to be rescued.

When I work with clients, I invite them into the practice of honoring and trusting self. I invite them into being conscious caregivers demonstrating self-love and self-care. Here are my steps to living from a space of Sacred Selfishness.

SEVEN STEPS TO SACRED SELFISHNESS

1. Commit to Your Passion – There are things that light you up, inspire you and excite you. I call these passion points.  If you are not expressing in these areas, you feel depleted, uninspired and even depressed.  This can occur when you put the priorities of others over your need to be fully expressed.  Write down what lights you up and commit to doing something every day, small or large, that feeds your passions.  Invite others to honor your need to care for yourself.
2. Set Powerful Boundaries – Setting clear personal boundaries supports ensuring relationships are mutually respectful, supportive and caring. They also protect you from relationships that can exploit your kindness and create ways to avoid getting too close to people who don’t have your health and well-being in their hearts.
   
3. Feed Your Mind and Soul with Positivity – This can come in many forms.  It can be music, guided mediations, conversations with positive people in your life, or communing with nature.  From my point of view, this really is non-negotiable.  There are many places and situations that bombard us with negative news or experiences.  Bathing yourself in positivity will support you feeling lighter and more motivated.
4. Expand Creativity – The universe is a creative force, and you are a manifestation of this creativity. Therefore, you have within you the ability to create the life of your dreams.  The work becomes the activation of your creativity.  Some of us are so involved in work, struggle and survival that we don’t pause to open to generating new opportunities. Do something creative…. dance, sing, write, draw, or create a vision board.  It does not have to be perfect.  It just has to be an action of opening to play and expression.
5. Practice Mindfulness – This practice is really about listening deeply, being consistent and obedient.  Many of us love to practice spirituality when we are in crisis. Then, when we feel better it slips off our radar.  Mindfulness is a way of being. It is all about living in the present, connecting to our inner wisdom and following the guidance of our spiritual knowing.  This is a skill because that inner guidance will often not be linear. Trusting that voice and being obedient to it can be a game changer.
6. Identify Your Inner Saboteurs – We are all familiar with the inner critic. That part of us that is always judging and trying to protect us. It is oftentimes working to the detriment of our success because of the attachment to pain.  The inner saboteurs work with the inner critic.  They allow fear to guide their thoughts, plans, and actions. They are often worried about what “might” happen (“I’ll get hurt,” “I won’t succeed”, “people will find out I’m a fake”) and they act out in ways that blow up our lives.  Saboteurs can look like avoiders, pleasers, hyper-rational beings or hyper-achievers.  Identifying them will assist in making clear decisions to not allow them to hijack your life.
7. Move Your Body – Your body is designed to move.  Movement allows the life force energy to flow and create vitality.  When you don’t move, the body becomes inactive, and everything slows down. These are the places where you can begin to feel confused and question yourself.  Movement is medicine for your entire being.  Do some kind of movement every single day to support your vitality, peace of mind and clarity of thought.

I sincerely hope that you find these steps helpful. They have really supported my growth and the growth of my clients.  If you need support in this area, check out my website and see if working with me might be a fit. You can also sign up for my monthly newsletter to see what is happening in my world.

Take good care of yourself and remember that you matter. You are the most important person in your life. The stronger, healthier and more respectful you are of yourself, the more you will experience joy and freedom.

Much Love,

Cynthia