VISIBILITY: THE CHALLENGES AND GIFTS

Over the years many clients and students have come to me sharing vulnerably about their reticence around being visible. They have fears around being safe. Especially with the vitriol on social media and people being attacked and threatened. I get their concerns. Being visible as a child was not a good thing for me. If I said or did the wrong thing, punishment of various kinds occurred. That is why it took me so long to claim my presence as an artist, coach, author, and international speaker. I had to conquer many feelings of insecurity and doubt.

We are a culture that loves celebrities in many forms. Sports, Music, art, political “stars”, and spiritual teachers. Somehow, they represent the parts of us that are creative, courageous, and bold. We get to project onto them our inner most dreams and desires. They do and say the things we are not always ready to express.

Here is the thing. I have really contemplated the fear of being visible and that is what I wish to share with you in this newsletter. What if this were the perfect time for each of us to step into our authenticity and power? What if our unique gifts were necessary?

I believe we are all here to be visible. What I mean by that is we are all here to be seen and recognized for our gifts and genius. Some of us will be visible as public figures, some of us will be visible as community supporters and some of us will simply be seen for our giving and loving hearts with family and friends. Whatever the form or how it appears, true visibility, is a choice. From my perspective, being completely visible means being aware of the responsibility that accompanies its presence.

Here is the definition of being visible as it relates to this blog.

• the state of being able to see or be seen.
• the degree to which something has attracted general attention; prominence.

Many years ago, I was starring in a play with several other women. We were at a prestigious theatre in Seattle, and I was elated to be given this opportunity. One of the women, was from New York and had an edge. I had done a lot of spiritual work and knew that she triggered in me something that needed to be healed. So, I kept my distance and did some inner work. I was grateful to have my own apartment.

One day, she was upset with me for a reason I did not understand. She kept saying unkind things and moving closer to me. It felt threatening. I was aware that the other actors were getting nervous and so I tried to de-escalate the energy. Still, she persisted saying negative things in a quiet and menacing voice. When she got so close that I was afraid she would strike me, I stood up and literally lost it. I began to scream and pushed her back. A smile came on her face with a “got you” attitude. The stage manager came in and thought I was the instigator and threatened to have me replaced. In that moment, all my childhood fears came rushing in. I tried to explain but he couldn’t hear me. I became more upset as I watched the woman smiling at me. The other women in the room were afraid to speak up and I felt totally alone. Then the man said something powerful. He said, “I don’t care what you are feeling or who started this. You are a public figure and have the responsibility to act with decorum and keep the peace.” He was right. I had gone unconscious and went into defense mode. The parts of me that had been abused came rushing into the space and the only reaction was to protect myself. The good news is that the incident only happened in front of 4 people and the rest of the run was peaceful. The other woman and I stayed away from each other and did our jobs. We were totally professional on stage.

The next several months became a deep dive into looking at the incident and how many times I fought being visible for fear of being hurt. Also, reflecting on how my destiny was to be seen and how much staying awake supported by visibility.

REFLECTION: WHO HAVE YOU COME HERE TO BE?

I cannot imagine a Universe/God/Spirit that would breathe its life into us and then demand that we be invisible. Especially, since divine energy needs us as vessels of expression. What I have come to realize is that our being visible and present is a gift we have all been given. How we use it is the only issue.

Let me be clear here. I am not talking about being a doormat and letting people abuse, misuse, or treat us in horrible ways. What I am talking about is doing our inner work so that we address feelings, triggers, emotions, and upsets in conscious ways. Sometimes that means being quiet, ending toxic relationships, or refusing inappropriate behavior.

Most of us are not celebrities with cameras following us around. But, we have watched them punch people, get arrested for disorderly conduct, be caught in compromising situations, and be photographed in embarrassing moments. I am grateful for celebrities because they consistently remind me that, in every moment, my behavior is visible.

I am so clear that we are visible to many people at any given time. The women in the theatre saw my vulnerabilities and used them for her own unconscious self-satisfaction. If I had been awake enough, I could have left the space and asked the manager to support us getting through our discomfort in a way that was not disruptive.

TOOLS FOR THE RESPONSIBILITY OF VISIBILITY

Taking responsibility for our actions and behaviors requires the understanding and clarity that “we” play a part in every situation or experience. Therefore, we own a big part of the responsibility for the outcomes or consequences. Here are some tools that will support you making decisions that affect how you are visible.

1. Pause when you feel triggered. Breathe and assess the situation.
2. Ask yourself: Will this action hurt or hinder myself or another? If a camera was on me, would I want this moment to be captured on film?
3. Become aware that no other person is to blame for how you are feeling.
4. Recognize your choices and then act.
5. See if you can ask for a conscious conversation when you are more centered? If not, go to someone you trust to share your feelings and experience. In other words, get support.
6. Apologize for your unconscious or unkind behavior.
7. Don’t complain and constantly keep the painful memory alive.
8. If you act out, don’t make excuses. Take responsibility for your behavior.
9. Forgive yourself when things go wrong.
10. Make a plan on how to move forward when you are triggered

THE CODE: GIFTS OF VISIBILITY

Here is the thing. There is no one like you. Therefore, there is no one that can do what you came here to do… the way you came here to do it. Studies show that being seen, heard and visible is important to feel like we matter. It can also promote mental and emotional wellbeing.

So, what if now is the time for you to boldly step up and out as the amazing being that you are? How, you ask? Here are some tips to remember.

• This is your time. Your voice is essential on this planet.
• This is the perfect time to discover and uncover the uniqueness that is you. Take small steps to bring it to life.
• The energy you have used to hide can be transformed into visibility enhancement tools.
• You have been gifted the opportunity to give your gifts in high service to humanity.
• Risking is simply a leap of faith.
• Loving and seeing yourself is a compassionate gift.
• The more consciously visible you become, the freer you feel.
• You are a part of a “community” of people that know they are here to be seen, heard, and make a difference.

I am here to remind you that we walk this path together. Join me as I step more into being visible this year. My new book, “Does My Voice Matter “and my new Album “Chosen” are part of my declaration to fully seen. What is yours?

Love and Light,

Cynthia